Car Seats on a Soap Box

I promised myself that I would not make this blog into multiple soap boxes. However, I must break my promise tonight. Lance is 6 1/2 weeks old, and he is a great baby. He sleeps 16+ hours per day and cries only when he is tired, needs to eat, or is overdue for a changing. That is until we have to strap him into a 5-point harness seat capable of surviving the force of a 60-mph head-on collision without the safety of an automobile.

Our lawmakers tend to go overboard when they force new legislation on us. Laws should be the basis level of morality for a society. Car seats, however, are a nuisance. I am only 27, but I remember the "unsafe" times I would ride in the back of my parents' 1979 Plymouth Volare. If my mother hit the brakes, I fell on the ground. It was fun! I lived to tell about it. I cannot name a soul who was lost due to a car wreck. Watching all the legislation regarding child safety seats, one would think auto collisions are the single leading cause of death among children. Perhaps we drivers should remove our distractions and focus on limiting wrecks. Do not talk on the cell phone while driving. Do not smoke while driving -- especially in a child-friendly car. Do not express your disdain for other drivers while on the road.

First, children had to be seat belted. Next, children and those in the front seat had to be seat belted. Next, everyone in the car had to be seat belted. Now, all children through middle school have to be in car seats and booster seats. By the time Lance is able to drive, he will have been in a child safety seat his entire life. When will the madness end?

Here's how our trips usually go. Katie and I draw straws over who has to fasten Lance into his seat. She probably has a trick to it, as I regularly draw the short straw. He screams as I try to ignore it. He kicks as I try to work around his squirrelly little limbs. I carry him and the seat to the car and drop it in its place (very carefully to not upset him further). He screams as Katie and I get into the car. He screams as we exit the driveway. He screams as Katie digs for the pacifier which he has dropped. He screams as she tries to find his mouth with the pacifier, since she can't see it from the passenger seat in front. He screams as she holds the pacifier to his face and shushes him. He quiets for a moment as Jack Johnson sings loudly on the radio -- but only for a moment. He screams as we arrive wherever we are going 15 minutes later. People adore him and love that he is so quiet when we go out. He is a great child, but he is also absolutely worn out, as are we, from the drive there.

I suddenly felt inspired to write this column due to a brief problem experienced tonight. Lance slept through a movie we attended at our local performing arts center. He was quite snug wrapped burrito style in his receiving blanket. It is about 20 degrees outside. I carried our sleeping son across the street to the car in the parking garage. I had to jostle him about and bolt him into his cold child safety seat. He screamed, and, in the words of President Clinton, I felt his pain. I fully understand that the car seat is detachable so I can carry it and my child. However, that adds 20 pounds and a great awkwardness to going anywhere. I must digress...

Next time... The Miracle of the Pacifier