Laughing At The Dinner Table, or How I Made Lance Cry

Welcome back, Everyone. I am sorry for the long delay in posting. Here's how the past few months have gone.

• 4 & 6 month visits A-OK.
• Katie & I celebrated our 5-year anniversary with a ghost tour of our fair city.
• Lance twirls his feet every time he sits -- too cute.
• My job situation may be changing soon.
• Lance can now put pacifier in by himself.
  
• Lance now goes to bed 6 to 7 every night.

Now to tonight...
Katie put Lance to bed (per the usual routine) around 5:45, and she proceeded to make dinner. Lance woke up at 6:30 ready to play, so we gave in and put him in the swing while Katie cooked. I entertained him until dinner was done, at which time I moved his swing to the dining room. Lance is too cute when he sits, because he twirls his feet around in circular motions. I started singing to him, "Twirl to the left; Twirl to the right." As I sang this in a deep, silly voice; I stared at his feet as he twirled them all over the place.

I happened to glance at his eyes and got quite a shock. His bottom lip curled under and quivered, and his eyes quickly filled with tears. I felt horrible but amused at the same time. So I consoled Lance, and he calmed down.

Then, it was time for bed -- AGAIN. I reached down for Lance when he decided to grab his pacifier and place it in. This was cute and necessary for bedtime. I waited as he stalled putting the pacifier in. He is really good at it, so I can now tell when he is simply stalling. Instead of waiting for his stall tactic, I picked Lance up quickly to head to bed. He immediately dropped the pacifier, started crying, and extended his arm to his mother. What a sneaky little devil! As I type this, he is still screaming -- refusing to go to sleep. Our resolve is definitely greater than his, so cry he will under sleep he does.

A Father's Love

Katie and I had the opportunity to celebrate the lives of some really good friends/family at their surprise wedding anniversary. Jeff and Criss graced my life a year ago September. Jeff, a retired youth minister, is one of our hospital's chaplains, and Criss works in accounting for a local college. I have been in town for 7 1/2 years, and I could not say how many people would celebrate a milestone with me. I have a good idea from the blessings poured out by good friends and family at baby showers, but I honestly cannot say that I have touched nearly as many lives as I wish I would.

Jeff and Criss' daughter Kayla is a college student in a neighboring state, and their son Logan is an overseas soldier. Prior to last week, I had not met Logan, but I felt as if I knew him. Every possible opportunity, Jeff and Criss prayed over him and his fellow soldiers overseas. I, as do many Americans, tend to forget about our soldiers unless we know someone personally touched by their missions.

Kayla and Logan hosted the anniversary party at Jeff and Criss' church with the cover of a service to honor Jeff for a recent award he had received. Unknown to Jeff and Criss; Kayla, Logan (stateside due to shore leave he had accrued), Jeff's parents, and Criss' parents waited in the reception hall of the church as Jeff wa the honored guest of a "cover" service. The service never seemed to end, and we thought Jeff might be lifting up Logan and the other soldiers in prayer, not knowing his son was in the same building with him. Following the service, the congregants (who were ALL aware of the secret reception) rushed to the reception hall and awaited Jeff and Criss.

When they rounded the corner to the reception area, Jeff and Criss were surprised to find Kayla, Jeff's parents, and Criss' parents all awaiting them. They were unaware that any of these people were in town. After Jeff and Criss greeted the surprise guests, Kayla gave a speech honoring her parents; tears were plentiful from all those present. Then, the room grew silent as Kayla carefully unfolded a letter Logan had sent her for the occassion. She read it as Jeff and Criss cried plentiful tears. Kayla then said that Logan had sent a special gift from the military, as a unit flag was passed through the crowd to Jeff and Criss. At this point, Jeff spoke about how he remembered his son daily and how God has blessed him with two wonderful children. He sobbed greatly as he spoke. At this point, Logan shouted, "Let's get this party shouted," from his hiding place in the back of the room. My mind freezes on the image of his parents when they realized their son, was was "supposed to be" thousands of miles away, was now less than 100 feet from them.

I had never seen such love as I had at that moment. This was last week, and I still get teary-eyed while writing this blog. That is the love I want to share with my son... a love that can be felt halfway around the world. The difference in the love Jeff and Logan share is that distance and difficulty of communication are not enough to separate father and son. They just understand each other and love each other for who he is. I do not know now whether I can achieve this. This most closely resembles God's love to me, and I will be a great father if I can only mirror a small portion of this with my son.

Second Week Home/Facebook Connection

Wow! What a week. I have managed to keep a child alive (and smiling!) under my care for the past 2 weeks. I am still on the job hunt and have had some activity there the past 2 weeks also. Lance is now officially 2 months old, and we are starting to notice a glow enter where only a glossy-eyed child once was. Lance is now aware of his surroundings, and he is beginning to smile when he hears Katie's or my voice.

Through Lance, I recognize how blessings just flow in daily. Last year, Katie and I decided to expand our family to allow our blessings to flow over to our child. However, this has become a 2-way street; we receive multiple blessings through Lance's presence in our lives.

However, our lives were much more simple prior to Lance's arrival. We slept 6-8 hours per night and napped once a week or so. We watched full TV programs without interruption. We could go to the store for a quick trip or to a restaurant to eat.

Things have changed. Now, we sleep 2-3 hours per night uninterrupted and naps are out of the question unless we can do a 30-minutes power nap. I have not watched a full TV show in 2 months, as Lance decides to cry about halfway through every episode of Chuck, The Office, 30 Rock, or anything else I decide to watch. Taking Lance to the store is unbearable at this time in his development. I, however, love the graded concrete in front of stores. It's a great way to awaken a sleeping baby when his car seat is placed on the cart.

All this said, I have realized that I do not miss any of this. Sleep is overrated, as are TV and shopping trips. We now look forward to week 3 staying at home with our son.

I have finally figured out how to link this blog to Facebook. I welcome all you new readers and hope that you can be entertained with this anecdotal blog.

First Week Home

We have reached the conclusion of my first week home alone with Lance. Lance and I are doing fine. Lance is a little bruised today, but that's only from the vaccines for his two-month checkup. Yes, today is Lance's 2-month birthday. Katie and I have given life to a being and have kept him alive for two months! Hooray! Here's how my first week went.

Monday - The Honeymoon

Katie left for work at 6:45, and Lance and I slept until about 9:30 a.m. Lance ate then slept, and I took care of the house. Every three hours he ate, but he started fussing about 45 minutes early and fell asleep 15 minutes before it was time. He gave up on me several times, but I came through with the promised bottle. I was exhausted when Katie got home and went grocery shopping afterwards. Like the good home economist, I had sale ads, menus, and coupons. I bought some wild flowers for Katie.

Tuesday - Still Honeymooning

Lance and I slept until 8:45 a.m., and he waited patiently until I fed him at 9:30. After the feeding, we stopped by the bank and Walmart. Then we went to Katie's parents' house where her father is happily enjoying retirement. Lance was fussy for a short while, so I rocked him to sleep. Then, the great father I am, I held my sleeping son as my father-in-law and I played a bowling game on his new Nintendo WII. Lance and I came home and he slept.

Wednesday - Who Is This Baby?

Lance started fussing -- a lot. Last week, we started scheduling feedings every three hours. It sounds ideal, but it certainly is everything but that. Lance slept about 20 minutes then woke up and screamed for 10 minutes. This cycle continued between feedings. He was not a happy baby, and I was not a happy father. Our perfect child has suddenly discovered a strong set of lungs.

Thursday - Windy weather and crying

Perfect day! Thursday was in the 60's outside, and Lance and I spent a bulk of the day outside. Katie left at 6:45, and Lance and I woke up at 7:00. Lance continued his cycle of crying until the afternoon when I finally ventured outdoors. I put clothes on the line, set up my trees to be trimmed from the ice storm, and walked a mile to our local grocery store. Our stroller is lightweight and is built so you can lay an infant down. Not a problem. However, I now see the reason for the straps. They are not to keep the baby from falling out; they are there to keep the baby from flying out when the wind gusts up to 45 miles per hour! 3/4 of the way there was great. For that last stretch, I had to hold Lance and practically carry the stroller. I weighted the stroller down with heavy groceries (i.e. canola oil) and pushed it back. That final stretch against the wind, I pulled the stroller backwards. It was such a nice day, I had to explain to multiple neighbors why I was pulling instead of pushing. Lance got home and screamed, and Katie saved the day. It makes a difference, as I am a caretaker who serves no practical purpose to the baby. I can only keep him alive long enough for his mother to come through for him.

Friday - I caved!

I tired quickly of the crying from the prior day. Katie and I discussed how I could do this, and we agreed on one thing -- I had to be people-focused instead of task-focused. I am male. With that comes a slew of things, not the least of which is my focus on getting things done. I created a tasklist which I intended to complete daily. Dust the house bi-weekly. Clean all floors monthly. Clean bathrooms weekly. Etc. By Thursday, I was four days behind on my list. I finally realized that I have to focus solely on Lance's needs and leave the house to fend for itself. We also gave up on scheduled feedings. This morning, Katie left at 6:45, and I stayed in bed until Lance's first feeding at 7:00. I fed him and changed him, then we laughed and enjoyed each other until he became fussy. At 8:00, he fell asleep again. I read and watched movies on the laptop. At 10:15, Lance woke again and I fed him another part of a bottle. All was good. Lance played and kicked as I ate my lunch and as I tidied things up. He ate again at 12:15. At 1:45, we went to the store. Lance wailed from 1:45 until Katie got home at 2:50. My head ached a third day in a row! Katie saved the day again. Lance and I have gone 5 days with no serious emotional trauma for life.

Today was Lance's 2-month checkup. He is 11 lbs and 23 inches long. Everything is good. He got his vaccines and wailed much of the evening. I can imagine his pain and completely feel it for him.

Now, back to the flowers. I picked up some wild flowers at Kroger on Monday. I managed to keep them alive all week by changing the water and keeping them from our cats. Have I mentioned that I hate cats? They are cantankerous little creatures who know no rules and refuse to be boxed in. I cannot buy my wife flowers for her to enjoy because the cat knocks them over in search of the freshest water the house can offer. Monday night and all of Tuesday, the flowers remained in Lance's closed room. Wednesday, I placed them in the refrigerator so we could enjoy them. Tonight, after my long day with Lance, our big, dumb cat knocked the vase off the fridge shattering the nice, new vase. The good news is that the flowers are fine. Daily, I take care of Lance and two cats. Lance and the two cats have one thing in common - impatience. While Lance cries, the cats scratch up my leg to show they want outside.

In other news, does anyone want two tabby cats who are looking for a good home?

Car Seats on a Soap Box

I promised myself that I would not make this blog into multiple soap boxes. However, I must break my promise tonight. Lance is 6 1/2 weeks old, and he is a great baby. He sleeps 16+ hours per day and cries only when he is tired, needs to eat, or is overdue for a changing. That is until we have to strap him into a 5-point harness seat capable of surviving the force of a 60-mph head-on collision without the safety of an automobile.

Our lawmakers tend to go overboard when they force new legislation on us. Laws should be the basis level of morality for a society. Car seats, however, are a nuisance. I am only 27, but I remember the "unsafe" times I would ride in the back of my parents' 1979 Plymouth Volare. If my mother hit the brakes, I fell on the ground. It was fun! I lived to tell about it. I cannot name a soul who was lost due to a car wreck. Watching all the legislation regarding child safety seats, one would think auto collisions are the single leading cause of death among children. Perhaps we drivers should remove our distractions and focus on limiting wrecks. Do not talk on the cell phone while driving. Do not smoke while driving -- especially in a child-friendly car. Do not express your disdain for other drivers while on the road.

First, children had to be seat belted. Next, children and those in the front seat had to be seat belted. Next, everyone in the car had to be seat belted. Now, all children through middle school have to be in car seats and booster seats. By the time Lance is able to drive, he will have been in a child safety seat his entire life. When will the madness end?

Here's how our trips usually go. Katie and I draw straws over who has to fasten Lance into his seat. She probably has a trick to it, as I regularly draw the short straw. He screams as I try to ignore it. He kicks as I try to work around his squirrelly little limbs. I carry him and the seat to the car and drop it in its place (very carefully to not upset him further). He screams as Katie and I get into the car. He screams as we exit the driveway. He screams as Katie digs for the pacifier which he has dropped. He screams as she tries to find his mouth with the pacifier, since she can't see it from the passenger seat in front. He screams as she holds the pacifier to his face and shushes him. He quiets for a moment as Jack Johnson sings loudly on the radio -- but only for a moment. He screams as we arrive wherever we are going 15 minutes later. People adore him and love that he is so quiet when we go out. He is a great child, but he is also absolutely worn out, as are we, from the drive there.

I suddenly felt inspired to write this column due to a brief problem experienced tonight. Lance slept through a movie we attended at our local performing arts center. He was quite snug wrapped burrito style in his receiving blanket. It is about 20 degrees outside. I carried our sleeping son across the street to the car in the parking garage. I had to jostle him about and bolt him into his cold child safety seat. He screamed, and, in the words of President Clinton, I felt his pain. I fully understand that the car seat is detachable so I can carry it and my child. However, that adds 20 pounds and a great awkwardness to going anywhere. I must digress...

Next time... The Miracle of the Pacifier

The Mama speaks...

When Josh and I first started trying to get pregnant, I read a book by Deepak Chopra called "Magical Beginnings, Enchanted Lives." This book outlined the steps to take during pregnancy to promote a healthy baby and create the perfect environment for starting life. I continued to research birth options and made BIG plans about how this or that was going to take place.
1. My dream was to have a completely unmedicated, natural birth before 2009.
2. My plan was to nurse our baby exclusively without any supplementation.
3. I wanted to use a pacifier, but not for the first two weeks.
4. I intended to keep our baby at home for at least 6 weeks to avoid exposure to germs.
5. The plan was for the baby to be with an in-home sitter for the Spring and then Josh was to quit working and be a stay-at-home dad.

What I have learned from my BIG plans is that nothing is in my control and everything works out for the best even if it wasn't my plan.

1. 2008 came and went and despite walking the block a million times and trying every other labor inducing trick in the book, I was still pregnant as I kissed Josh at midnight on Jan 1. In fact, several more days passed and nothing... My dreams of laboring at home and dashing to the hospital were quickly fading as we headed to our appointment, 2 days overdue. Dr. Smith was adament that we needed to induce the next day. So, I opened my heart to let go of that dream. I still had hopes of having an unmedicated birth and it was good to have a birth date finally.
Josh and I went into the hospital at 4:00am on Jan 6th and they started the pitocin to begin contractions. Dr. Smith came in and broke my water and I labored without incident for several hours. I have to say that the contractions were not unbearable. I was able to breathe and relax due to the yoga, massage, and relaxation techniques I had practiced during pregnancy. However, I wasn't prepared for the nausea and vomiting that soon began. (None of my books had mentioned that lovely side effect.) To counter these symptoms, the nurses gave me nausea medication, but the side effect of that was exhaustion. It is very hard to concentrate on labor pains when you can barely keep your eyes open. So, at 8 cm dialated I finally gave in and received my epidural, and it was a blessing that I did. As I drifted off to sleep allowing my body to finish dialating, it became clear that Lance's head was too big to pass through my pelvis without great risk of distress. So... it was decided that an emergency c-section was needed. Because of my epidural, I was set to go and Josh was able to be in the room. It was amazing to be side awake and yet people were cutting me open and pulling out a baby. Modern medicine really is a miracle. We had our perfect baby boy... My dreams of an unmedicated, natural birth were dashed, but the love of my life had arrived safely. God was in control.
2. Don't believe the books that say that nursing doesn't hurt because it does, at first. Lance is insatiable at times and in the first few days after coming home, the pediatrician suggested that I offer him formula to supplement nursing until my milk production could catch up. I was so worried that he would be spoiled by the easy flow of the bottle and not want to nurse anymore. However, I took the risk. Lance enjoys an occasional bottle, but still nurses furiously (practically all day long). This is a blessing because soon I will go back to work and he is ready to take his expressed milk from a bottle while I'm gone. Once again, God was in control.
3. Kinda like the bottle, I had read that using a pacifier too soon would interfere with breastfeeding, but on the third night in the hospital, Lance was gnawing me something fierce! The nurse brought us a pacifier at my request and he has been hooked ever since. It has been a life saver, but one thing is for sure... when he is hungry, that pacifier is not good enough! God was in control!
4. January and February are prime cold and flu season and the thought of dealing with a sick infant was not high on my list. So, I vowed to keep him quarantined to our home for at least 6 weeks. However, an ice storm at 3 weeks old shut off our power and drove us out of our home for a week. We stayed with my sister and her family. We are very thankful for their generosity and we all got along well. The hacking and coughing of their 2 year old has not seemed to adversely affect Lance, but it sure made me anxious for a week. I have to admit it was really nice to have my sister around to help with Lance and give me baby care advice. God was in control.
5. My original considerations for in-home sitting both became unavailable within the same week before Lance was born, so I started checking out daycares. It was an enlightening experience, but luckily a few days later we found a lady at our church who watches kids at her home who would be available. God was in control. But... then Josh came home early two weeks ago and I knew immediately that he had been laid off. This means that our plans for him to be a stay-at-home dad have been moved up. Financially this will be fine, not ideal, but fine. I just hope and pray that God is in control of my job and keeps me employed!

Despite all the dashed dreams, being a mom has been an incredible experience. Lance fits into our family perfectly. Even the kitty cats like him. I hear him fussing... my work is never done!

Katie

Happenings... An Update

There is a very good explanation for my lapse in blogging. I have had a very interesting couple of weeks, to say the least. Here goes...

I work for a super-regional bank headquartered in the midwest. On Monday, my boss's boss's boss met with me and gave me an official pink slip. I had to work 2 more weeks -- at which time I would be permanently laid off. Aweful but not so bad. Katie and I had planned for me to suspend my career in August so she could work and I could become a "domestic engineer." I will try to find work in the interim since the timing was so surprising, but I plan to stay home and work part time by August.

I do live in Kentucky... Land of bluegrass music, bar-b-que, and lots of ice. My wife and I welcomed in a son January 6. I was laid off January 26. We were homeless refugees January 28. We lost power around 4:30 a.m. Wednesday and moved across town to live with my sister-in-law and her family of 5. Add 2 adults and a screaming baby to the mix and you may just understand how things went. Katie's sister and very gracious to allow us into her home for such a long time. However, a grieving process was occurring, and we were trying to figure out what it meant to be new parents to Lance. What a week!

It is now Thursday. I have 2 more days of work with my bank. My layoff is not such a stress anymore. Lance is doing very well, as you can witness through the above photos. We moved back home on Tuesday. We have grieved together and apart. Lance will be 1 month old tomorrow. Katie will return to work when he is 7 weeks old. Ice is melted. Warm weather will be here this weekend. I will officially start my role as a stay-at-home dad on Tuesday when my wife and I will share the responsibility. Things are looking up.